He said, "Good news on the budget front. Our credit card bill this month is only $750, just $250 more than the $500 we have to pay it."
She said, "What's good about that? We already have a deficit of $3019. If we pay it off at the rate of $30 a month it will take us 14 years and cost us more than $5500. 14 years. You know how old you are?"
He said, "Duh, the kids. The kids will pay it when we're gone."
She said, "This has to stop. We need to cut back on expenses. For starters, those $4 golf balls are fiscally irresponsible when you can get perfectly round ones at Wal Mart for 45 cents."
He said, "A better plan is to tax the rich so we can get higher social security checks."
She said, "I just knew you would say that. You want to turn us into selfish 47 per centers. Comrade!"
He said, "You can stop going to the hair dresser every week."
She said, "Oh, sure. That's it! Impose hardship on a job-producing small business and put a beautician out of work."
He said, "I am not giving up Bowling Night Out."
She said, "I am sure not going to give up my Weekly Message."
He said, "We are headed for troubled waters."
She said, "I have an idea. No more arguing. Let's engage in sequestration."
He said, "Now you're talking. Sounds kinky, when do we start?" A goofy grin on his face and eyes lit up like a deranged jack-o-lantern.
She said, "How typical. Goodbye mind. Hello gutter. No, sequestration means that unless we can get together on reasonable expense cuts and revenue enhancement measures, such as you getting a part time job, hint hint, sequestration will automatically take effect in March and it will trigger major budget cuts. No more home security, airline and auto travel only for emergencies, spam twice a week, no more deserts. Massages, out. Bowling, out. I have typed up a whole list for you here."
He said, "I agree." Months pass.
She said, "Have you checked the calendar? It is March and we are nowhere near reaching a budget agreement."
He said, "Fiscal cliff, here we come. Sequestration was your idea."
She said, "You agreed."
He said, "I thought you would come to your senses."
She called their son and said, "Your dad and I are engaging in sequestration" and the son said, "Oh, I would hope not," and she said, "No, bozo, it means that if your father does not agree to reasonable budget revisions your parents will suffer malnutrition, and with no home alarm system we will be at the mercy of tramps and thieves."
He called their daughter and said, "Unless you warn your mother to abandon her stubborn ways there will be no more grandma and grandpa trips to see the kids. And also, daughter, you need to know poor dad won't have any more chocolate chip cookies, ever, because You Know Who is pigheaded."
The entire family was nervous and worried about the future.
She said, "This is your fault."
He said, "This is your fault."
She said, "You are starting to sound like my President!"
He said, "You are starting to sound like my Congress!"
"Oh my heavens," they said in unison, "what in the world has happened to us!"
Then they agreed to begin acting like grownups. This is a fairy tale.
Ned Cantwell - email@example.com - has a package of Great Value chocolate chip cookies hidden in the garage.